Tag Archive - conversation


Why Wise Church Leaders don’t Say everything they See

Ever say something you wish you could take back? Sure. Everyone has. Whether it’s something we regret saying to a spouse, to a child, to a friend, or in the workplace to a coworker. Everybody has said something they wish they could go back and say differently…or…not say at all.

Many of us are not aware of how powerful our words are and how they affect the people around us. The best church leaders I’ve ever been around understand this and they exercise discipline with their words.

Wise church leaders understand the power their words have to shape culture and as a result craft them carefully.

Leaders don’t Say Everything they See

Just because God has allowed you to see it doesn’t mean you need to say it. You may see things that need to improve. You may see where the church needs to go in the future. You may see team members that need to change. But wise church leaders don’t say everything they see. They say what people can handle. They say what people need to hear in order to help them move in the direction they need to go.

Leaders understand their Whisper is a Shout

The words of a leader have an inordinate amount of weight to them. If you’re a leader then your whisper becomes a shout very quickly. Similar to the power a father’s words have to a family. Wise church leaders understand the power and weight of their words and they are selective about how they use their words.

Leaders Kill Hallway Conversations

When leaders get in the habit of having passing hallway conversations they unintentionally build a culture of misalignment, competition, and create a bottleneck for decision making. Hallway conversations train your team that every decision needs to go through you. Worse hallway conversations create an environment where people go to you for a decision before a meeting and then walk into a meeting and say, “well I spoke to the leader and they said this…” Wise church leaders redirect hallway conversations to the right people and the right environments for decisions to be made.

Leaders don’t Speak to Everyone the Same Way

If you’re a parent you get this. Just like you don’t talk to each of your kids the same way you don’t talk to everyone on your team the same way either. Leaders also don’t speak to every audience the same way. A wise church leader learns to say the same ideas out loud to different audiences such as the church Board, their Sr. Leadership Team, the church Staff, Volunteers, and the whole church with a different voice.

Posted in Leadership


The Best of Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit 2014 Pt-1

In the past I’ve regularly taken a large team to the annual Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit, this year was a little different. Thankfully the Global Leadership Summit is available digitally even after the live event! We previewed the talks and selected the best two from this years event to share with our team.

The first talk was from Joseph Grenny, Co-Founder, Vital Smarts: Social Scientist for Business Performance and New York Times bestselling author.

Key Question: Are there some moments in our leadership that are disproportionate in influence, that matter more than any others?

Crucial Conversations: these 3 things cause these moments to become more crucial than others

  1. High Stakes
  2. Opposing Opinions
  3. Strong Emotions

Principle #1  Any time you find yourself stuck in a relationship or team: There are always crucial conversations that we are not holding or not holding well

  • When it matters most you and I seem to do our worst

You have options when a crucial conversation comes

  1. Talk it out
  2. Act it out (if you don’t talk it out you will act it out…it will affect your behavior)
  • We buy into a lie early on and that is “We have to choose between telling the truth and keeping a friend.”
  • You can measure the health in a relationship or team by measuring how many undiscussables there are in the relationship or organization.
  • Progress in organizations begin when we as leaders discuss the undiscussables.
  • Our job as leaders is to model, teach, and measure these crucial conversations.
  • Crucial conversations are either a pit or a path – they can become an acceleration of intimacy – they become trust building accelerators
  • The Bible is a history of crucial conversations

“The vital behavior that enables most any positive organizational outcome is candor at moments of acute emotional and political risk”

7 Skills to Successfully Navigating Crucial Conversations:

  1. Start with the Heart
  2. Learn to Look
  3. Make it Safe
  4. Master my Stories
  5. STATE MY Path
  6. Explore Others’ Path
  7. Move to Action

In the first 30 seconds of a crucial conversations there are 2 things that determine if you will be heard:

  1. Mutual Purpose: Help them know that you care about their interest, concerns and interests
  2. Mutual Respect: Help them know that you genuinely care about them.

Candor is never the problem: people never get defensive about what you’re saying. People become defensive because of why they think you’re saying it.

Posted in Leadership, Spiritual Formation, Staffing