Tag Archive - eq

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Avoidance: The Silent Killer of a Team

Great teams keep short accounts and normalize feedback, which allow them to make small degrees of change along the way. These behaviors allow great teams to create feedback loops, innovate, and test new solutions quickly.

The problem? Most teams aren’t great teams. Most teams don’t have the courage to be that honest with one another. Most teams would rather talk about one another than talk to one another. They avoid conflict, and in so doing, they quietly kill their team.

I don’t blame them; it’s easier to avoid conflict than it is to run towards it. It’s easier to tell people what they want to hear than tell them what they need to hear. It’s easier to tell people a shade of or portion of the truth instead of the full truth. It’s not always easy to speak the truth…even if it’s true. When avoidance runs rampant on a team you’ll typically find symptoms of defensiveness, combativeness, excuses and fear.

Jesus modeled a different, more courageous brand of leadership without taking a harsh or rude approach.

  • In Matthew chapter 5 Jesus encourages us that even if we are at the altar offering a sacrifice and remember that there is something between us and someone else, we are to leave what we’re doing and go make that right.
  • In Matthew 18 Jesus teaches us that if there is an issue between us and another person we are to go directly to that person to resolve it first.
  • Jesus doesn’t avoid speaking the truth to the woman at the well in John chapter 4 who had a string of broken marriages and He doesn’t avoid it with the woman caught in the act of adultery in John chapter 8.

Yes, timing matters and your approach matters. You may not do it well at first but don’t let that stop you from flexing a new muscle and building a new discipline. Don’t sit back and do nothing. Don’t let avoidance kill your team.


Posted in Leadership, Staffing

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Bringing your Blind Spots into Focus

Have you ever experienced someone talking on speakerphone or face-timing in public? This has happened to me twice lately. In both cases not only was it distracting and rude to everyone around these people but they were totally unaware of how obnoxious their behavior was and how others perceived them in the moment.

That’s usually how blind spots work. They show up at work, at home, in our casual friendships, and in our most meaningful relationships. Everyone sees them but us. That’s why they’re called blind spots. But just because you have them, doesn’t mean you can’t bring those blind spots into focus. Here’s a couple tips to try out this week.

Get Outside Help

If you really want to begin to bring your blind spots into focus you’re going to need help. You can’t do this alone, because you don’t live on the other side of you. You know your thoughts, intentions, and motivations. You know what you mean when you do what you do. Others just experience what you do. Ask other people that you trust and who know you and aren’t afraid to tell you the truth what your blind spots are…and then don’t fight back…just listen.

Humility

Discovering your blind spots requires humility. It means listening more than talking. It means looking introspectively at you instead of at others. It means working on you instead of a project or your team. And it inherently means you’re going to have to come face to face with some things about yourself that aren’t going to be pleasant or easy to face down.

Pay Attention to Pain

Pain is an incredible gift from God. It tells us that something is wrong and needs to change. When you experience pain in a relationship or at work one of the most important questions you can ask yourself is, “What did I do to contribute to this problem?”

“Rule of 3’s”

If someone tells you something once, it’s easy to brush it off as his or her isolated opinion of one unique interaction with you. If a theme gets developed and it comes up more than once, say three times, then pay attention to it. Maybe it’s not everybody else maybe it’s you.

Courage

Once you’ve been made aware of a blind spot you have a choice, and the choice hinges on courage. You can choose to ignore it or you can choose to do something about it. But be warned, if it’s really a blind spot it’s going to be really tough to work on, because it’s not going to come natural. That’s why it’s a blind spot. But without courage you don’t simply choose to be blind you choose to stay blind.


Posted in Leadership, Spiritual Formation, Staffing

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Leadership Summit 2016: Dr. Travis Bradberry

Emotional Intelligence is often talked about but rarely understood. Yet it’s one of the most significant performance indicators that you can control that will determine the success or failure you find in your job. Bestselling Author and Co-Founder of TalentSmart, Dr. Travis Bradberry gave a great presentation that will help you raise your E.Q.

  • Emotional intelligence will change the way you view yourself, others, and the way you go about your work
  • I.Q. measures the rate at which you process information
  • E.Q. is the integration between our emotions and our reason
  • People with a high E.Q. out perform people with a high I.Q. 70% of the time

Self Awareness: is the ability to accurately recognize your emotions as they happen and understand your general tendencies for responding to different people and situations.

  • Awareness of your emotions in the moment
  • Awareness of your tendencies and responding to different people and situations
  • You spot it…you got it. In other words if you get irritated with others about stuff it’s usually a result of

Self Management: using awareness of your emotions to choose what you say and do, in order to positively direct your behavior.

Social Awareness: recognizing and understanding the emotions and perspectives of others.

  • Not just knowing what the other person is feeling but what they’re trying to communicating
  • Focusing on the other person more than yourself

Relationship Management: using awareness of your emotions and the emotions of others to manage interactions successfully.

  • Use the other 3 skills in concert
  • Aware of what’s going on in you, in the other person, and affect things for the positive
  • The biggest mistake that people make is to win the battle to lose the war (the overall quality of the relationship)
  • Increasing your EQ requires a lot of practice
  • 3 silver bullets everyone needs to work on
    • Get your stress under control
    • Clean up your sleep hygiene (don’t take anything that helps you sleep, no blue light in the evening,)
    • Get your caffeine intake under control

Posted in Leadership
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